Thursday, 10 September 2009

You’ve Been Papped 2 – World Exclusive Celebrity Pics!!

So there I was in Lapwing hide at Rutland Water this afternoon (overlooking the south arm, for anyone who doesn’t know the reserve), when I noticed what appeared to be a film crew on the far bank. A quick peer through my scope revealed the unmistakable figure of Bill Bailey, presumably filming for that new birdwatching series he’s doing for Sky1 (to be called Bill Bailey’s Big Bird Watch according to my secret showbiz sources).

Bear in mind, by the way, that all these were taken from about 600 yards away, which is a bit far even for my long Llama-lens. But I suppose that just adds to the authentic ‘papped’ feel.

Bill Bailey looking through binoculars

Bill Bailey not looking through binoculars

How exciting, I thought. But then I’m afraid things started to get slightly naughty. First of all the cameraman climbed over the fence and started walking towards the bund, flushing some ducks in the process:

Never mind, they're only Mallards (actually I think there are a couple of Gadwall in there as well)

Then the rest of them followed. Bill does look a bit guilty on this one:


Eventually they all disappeared through a gap in the bushes, heading towards the back of Lagoon 3:


So what happened next?


Er, um, (quickly consults libel lawyers) oh yes, I know – did a Marsh Harrier fly over and flush EVERYTHING off Lagoon 3? (this is only about a fifth of the flock by the way)

Now, I’m a big fan of Bill Bailey, but if he’s going to do the ‘celebrity birder’ thing, he (or to be fair, his birding ‘advisers’, of which there appeared to be two or three with him in addition to the film crew) ought to be aware of a few generally accepted rules, one of which is that you don’t go traipsing around the back of nature reserve lagoons in case you flush everything. And also that, especially somewhere like Rutland Water, the chances are that someone will be watching. And that someone may well have a long lens. And a blog.

19 comments:

Skev said...

Just found a link to Bill on Twatter:
http://twitter.com/realbillbailey

Appears he's been lurking at RW for a couple of days - Osprey eating a Pike etc.

Shame it wasn't earlier in the year - you could have sent the shots to one of the red tops as an expose of Bill Bailey - shameful celebrity oologist ...

Or maybe he was just going into the bushes to twang his Theremin.

beast said...

Flush-a-duck!..well 'papped' Andy!
A rare sighting indeed...a very cool comedian being shown around the reserve by..[one can only presume]...a load of arse-licking knobs! Wot the fuck were they thinking?!...[guess they weren't 'thinking'...unless there's gonna be a 'bit' in Bills new show about 'what not to do on a reserve']. Makes you wonder don't it? If i were Mr.Bailey i'd be a bit nervous of what 'they' were gonna make him do next...'Bill...here's a cliff with a two mile drop into oblivion...now we just want you to step over the edge...make great TV viewing...you could even pull a funny face on the way down'.
Will await with interest why 'they' were allowed to do that...maybe they just went walkabout on they're own?

Alan Tilmouth said...

Dunno about BB but we should all be thinking about getting a pair of those knee length suede looking boots on the sunglass clad assistant in blue t shirt. I'm not sure I can go birding again without a pair.

The Leicester Llama said...

I'm certain they weren't 'allowed' to do that, and there didn't appear to be anyone from the Trust with them, so I guess they did just go walkabout on their own.

The Leicester Llama said...

Incidentally, I didn't mention this in the original post, in case it was too much excitement at once for some people, but at the same time as all this was going on there was a couple ‘going at it’ further along the bank towards the Old Hall. Too far away to get any photos though, which was a shame, especially as they were in the rather exotic ‘reverse cowgirl’ position. Now that’s something you don’t see every day at Rutland Water!

beast said...

It is a shame that a 'certain fellow' at rutty has fucked off to Spain at the moment. If 'he' had o caught 'em they'd be dead n buried by now...[the 'bailey party' that is..not the reverse cowgirl shaggers]...

Think Tim will take a dim view on these antics..[about 5watt]..

ps...Andy...why don't you contact the newspapers and make some dough out of these pix?...gotta be worth a 'punt'. On second thoughts tho...wouldn't want to put Bill Bailey in a bad light...not with his hair-do...

Skev said...

Blimey Andy - given the scarcity of Porn Fairy material I think your sighting must rank as extraordinarily rare. Yeehah!

The Leicester Llama said...

I couldn't do that, Colin. Bill Bailey's a good bloke and besides I like to keep my 'world exclusives' properly exclusive, unlike the made-up and/or copied from someone else shit that fills most of the tabloids.

Mark said...

Fucking celebrity birdwatchers! How the fuck would the comedians like it if us birders started doing stand up - hold on a minute didn't John try that afew weeks ago?? Alfresco reverse cowgirl - respect, though this posion would provide the couple with a 360 degree view in case of voyeurs, though to be jonest if they were that nrazen they probably didn't give a shit.

The Leicester Llama said...

Well they didn't spot me, but then I was in a hide about half a mile away!

beast said...

Andy...you are right of course...wouldn't want to cause Bill and his free-ranging herd of flushing buffalo's any negative press....[guess we'll just have to let him off with a 'warning' because he's such a funny fucker]!
Love to see the guy do a proper 'gig' in Leicester...ideally...one that doesn't involve being lead around 'on-stage' by a group of halfwits...

thedrunkbirder said...

Andy - sadly the 'Reverse Cowgirl' is a description sex act required by the Sex Act Rarities Committee (SARC). As far as I know there are no accepted inland records for this sex act. Photographic evidence of such an exciting find would have been helpful, field sketches and a full written account might get this through the SARC. Wedo need to rule out any abberant back-scuttling.

With regard to the lack of Porn Fairy news all I can say is that currently delicate negotiations are taking place with the Swedish to try and reintroduce wild porn back to sites where it was previously found. Obviously porn can only be taken from areas where wild porn still thrives and will not damage the long-term viability of Scandinavian porn stocks.

The Leicester Llama said...

Are you calling me a sex act stringer? I'll have you know I have great experience observing sex acts all over the... no, sorry, forget I said that... I'll just withdraw the record if you're not going to believe me. But I know what I saw.

Somehow I knew this thread would drift off-topic after I posted that extra comment.

Mark said...

I must stop commenting via my phone. The text is so small I can't see the typo's. Perhaps you could bribe Bill to do a standup for the annual Drunkbirders Christmas Curry. I will of course be absent again.

thedrunkbirder said...

Andy, I don't doubt your records for a minute... I know how much time you put in in the field. Sadly though, a bit like wild porn, reverse cowgirl has sadly declined by 95% in the past 10 years meaning we now need a full description.

Skev said...

Hmmm - just reading back through the comments on this whole sorry sordid thread, and I noted that the reverse cowgirl has been cited as giving a 360degree view for the happy couple. Eh?
Given that they are both facing the same way (he's looking at her back/arse) surely this could only be the case if he was knobbing the exorcist girl?
Andy - was she shoulting 'your mother sucks ...'?

The Leicester Llama said...

Or unless they were both owls. Which they weren't.

Mark said...

Well it always gives me a 360 view so fuck off.

Skev said...

Fair point well made Mark ;-)