Wednesday, 15 June 2011

Cull everything!

Watching a piece on Springwatch last night about Magpies v ‘songbirds’ got me thinking....

The argument of the Songbird Survival Trust (as championed by that intellectual leviathan Jeremy Clarkson) goes like this: We like songbirds – they’re pretty. But songbirds are declining. Magpies eat songbirds. Therefore Magpies must be causing the decline of songbirds. Cull Magpies!

Supposing some members of the Songbird Survival Trust tried to extend that logic to other things....

We like butterflies and moths – they’re pretty. But butterflies and moths are declining. Songbirds eat caterpillars. Therefore songbirds must be causing the decline of butterflies and moths. Cull songbirds!

And if we culled songbirds, then the Magpies would have less available prey, so their numbers would drop as well. Brilliant! Oh, hang on a moment – songbird numbers are falling anyway, and yet predators are.... somehow.... increasing.... and butterflies and moths are.... declining as well.

Shit.

Perhaps we’d better cull everything just to be on the safe side.


10 comments:

John Hague said...

By Clarkson liking songbirds does that mean he likes eating them as he did a plateful of Ortolan Buntings? Mind you Ortolan Bunting song is pretty dull really so maybe it's best if the fat cunt eats them, they're declining anyway so extinction wouldn't really matter...

Mark said...

I have noticed that an increase in motoring journalists has led to an increase in motoring costs. I suggest we cull the fuckers starting with those that have pubic hair on their heads and block off public rights of way, because they don't want people looking at them - CUNT!!

ray said...

Talking about false correlations, I have realised that people who wear straw boaters during their schooldays seem to do jolly well in their future lives, often without any talent, brains or good looks. I recommend to that Michael Gove, our revered Education Minister, that he commands that, forthwith, all schools must include straw boaters as an essential, nay paramount, item of school uniform. Probably including some Magpie feathers in the brim.
Anyhow, Leicester Llama, how can it be that MY fantastic, brilliant, straw-boatered blog isn't mentioned in your otherwise perfect list of other blogs? Just so you can put this right, have a look at mostlybirdingwithray and just see what you are missing.Best wishes from Ray up here in sunny Lancashire.

The Leicester Llama said...

Thanks Ray. I've added your blog to my list.

beast said...

Fortunately i missed Springwatch last night....[as i am fortunate enough to miss it every time its on]...

Instead i watched a film where a bloke goes on a 'culling' session of sorts where he went around wasting a load of shitbags...and mainly with a hammer...

Great family viewing...[the films called 'the horseman']. It was a bit like 'the sound of music' except nasty folks got bones broken and various parts chopped off...[and Julie Andrews wasn't in it...and nor was there any quaint little songs in it]...in fact...come to think of it...it wasn't at all like the sound of music...[it was..however...better than Springwatch]...chuckle..!

ps...re 'culling'...there's only one species that really stands out that needs culling...[take a wild guess]....

I think we can safely leave 'that one' to nature itself tho....

Richard Fray said...

You never added my blog to your list :(

Granted, it's boring and largely irrelevant, but still...

The Leicester Llama said...

I have got both your wildlife photography and Fun Birding Tours sites in the 'other good stuff' list.

But if that's not enough, how about you do my website revamp you said you'd do 9 months ago, and I'll add your blog to the list. Fair?

John Hague said...

Fight! Fight! Fight!

beast said...

I'll list your blog on my blog Richard....[i got shit loads of blogs that i haven't got round to listing yet]...lazy twat that i am...

ps...are there any porn movies on your blog...?

The Leicester Llama said...

OK Fatboy - I've added your ridiculously long titled blog to my blog list, now will you do my fucking website please?!!